


You Wished Things Had Been Different

by witchoftimes



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Depression, F/F, F/M, Gen, Internal Conflict, Internal Monologue, Sadstuck, Spoilers, im so bad at tags please forgive me, mentions of the ships but that's about it, otherwise spoilers i guess, this reads best if you're caught up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2014-06-19
Packaged: 2018-02-05 07:08:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1809703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchoftimes/pseuds/witchoftimes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As a supposed Seer of Mind, you are not very good at understanding yourself.</p>
<p>----------</p>
<p>Some thoughts of Terezi's around her downward spiral and what her mindset might be like.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Wished Things Had Been Different

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is my first posting on AO3 so I hope it goes well, as well as my first ever dabble in the homestuck fandom proper. If you could drop a Kudos or comment on this it would be very appreciated. I'd really like to improve!

Your name is Terezi Pyrope, and you wish things could have been different.

You wish it hadn’t felt like you were left behind while everyone grew and gained so much. As a supposed Seer of Mind, you are not very good at understanding yourself. Maybe that’s the irony of the universe talking. Dave would have a laugh at that.

While Vriska was causing trouble, adventuring and reaching god tier for real, you were left trying to clean up her messes and minimize the damage. You had other companions, but secretly you ached for the companionship of your scourge sister. You settled for a small Kismesis instead, with the hope of another trying to edge into flushed territory.

You are not the impressive or talented one, no gifts of leadership or prowess in battle. Only a love for justice and knack for coin flipping. But there is anger then too. Anger that gets directed at two humans before it starts to cool. Resentment at the loss of what could have been paradise, could have been hope.

You wish you hadn’t had to stab your friend and lover in the back. Literally. Troll culture or no, killing your oldest friend fucks you up in ways you did not expect.

For a time you had some comfort. The little group of pilgrims you lived with on that meteor hurling through space were irritating but...enjoyable.

But it all started to pile up. The old memories and the regret and the choices you thought you made for good. Hurling through dream bubbles was supposed to be a respite from the mundane, not send you into personal hell. The ancestors with all their choices and confidence and maturity that was half fake half real only made it worse. The lives they got to live without slaughtering each other.

Then there was the worst romance decision of your life. Kismesis with Gamzee, normally not a good idea but after everything that had happened it was even worse, but you still did it. And then one horrible decision led to another and suddenly your eyes were burning with colors.

You hated yourself. Hated everything you’d ever done. Hated how you’d given up the one trait that defined you, hated how shallow you were, hated the rut you were trapped within. Hating the taste of that fucking soda just as much as your life choices.

Then, you wished it had all been different.

But there were bright spots. A genuine positive opinion of herself expressed by Karkat, at the time it did little to stop your funk, but it did help. At the time it kept you sane with a spark of hope.

One long conversation involving a chair and swearing off Faygo in your boxers later you were almost feeling better. A shower and a hellish sugar detox brought you back to reality. 

But you could still see, colors and light without the need for taste or smell. It bothered you. What use did you have for canes if you weren't blind?

So you blindfolded your eyes and told yourself you were going to survive. You swore that you would make things right and that you would pick yourself up. You picked up your cane and started to run without seeing what was in front of you. You felt like yourself for the first time in years as your senses came alive all over again.

Maybe most of your friends were dead. Maybe you only had a handful of people left in your life. But you were going to make amends however you could, and you were going to make the best of what you had.

And as you landed on that other planet, surrounded by friends and enemies both old and new, alight with lava and screams, you started to See once more. A faint echo of power but power all the same.

So as you came dangerously close to your death you were calm as you knew that no one nearby would let it come to pass. Their actions were painted in your mind with certainty. Their love and friendship was more than you had dared to hope. 

Your name is Terezi Pyrope, you have learned from the past, and you will not make the same mistakes again.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write homestuck and Terezi and then this happened. I hope I got her character down okay. She's very hard to read but I hope I did her justice (unintentional pun I swear). I was super shocked when we found out how bad her emotional state had gotten. She's been through some crazy stuff and it obviously didn't effect her well but I think she can recover. I hope.
> 
> I probably screwed some terminology up in here somewhere. If something's wrong just lemme know and I'll edit it (I'm wrapping this up pretty late so my proof reading may not have been the best).
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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